How long would it take a fly to eat up an apple pie?
It would take, I fear, even more than a year.
But by that time the poor fly would die.
     How long would it take a horse?
Only a minute of course!
     How long would it take a giraffe?
He’d slide it down his neck with a laugh!
     How long would it take a mule?
Only a second, the fool!
     How long would it take a cat?
She’d leave most of it for a rat!
     How long would it take a duck?
She’d gulp it down with some luck!
     How long would it take a whale?
Now that I really can’t tell!
     How long would it take a goat?
This I wrote but I lost the note.
     How long would it take a snake?
It would give him a bellyache!
     How long would it take an owl?
Only a moment, the fowl!
     How long would it take a parrot?
Not long if you didn’t scare it!
     How long would it take a baboon?
Soon man soon!

Copyright 2005

So on they went, both of them bent on going round the zoo.

The beetle and the elephant went walking for a stroll.
“I bet that I can run as fast as a stuffed jellyroll.”
The elephant replied that he could race as fast as glue.
So on they went, both of them bent on going round the zoo.
Onward they rushed, they shoved and pushed,                                                         
each stepping on the other.
     Where are we going? Where is the end,                                                                  
my wise and noble brother?”
 “It’s at the Gobo Bogo tree, the one that bends its head,
and eats the extinct crocogators, eats them till it’s fed.
So on they passed till they at last, spied the loathsome tree.
They tried to stop but fell kaplop. The tree was filled with glee.
And with its brambling branches caught, both of them in its grip.
The beetle chanced remarked he wished he hadn’t made the trip.
     “Pull hard my friend, our rights defend. Pull hard for all your life.”
Replied the beetle, “I might as well be playing on my fife.
Make haste, make haste, I won the race. Now give to me my prize.
A bag of cabbages will do, two raisins for my eyes.”
     The Gobo Bogo tree said, “Wait! There’s something very wrong.
You’re not extinct crogogators for they’re not near this strong.”
So then the tree set both them free and now they’ve learned to stay,
far from the Gobo Bogo tree. But will you stay away?

Copyright 2005


Man searches far to find nuggets of gold,
but what good they all are he’s never been told.
Gold! Why after he finds it they put it in Fort Knox.
Well they might as well take it and dump it in a box,
or feed it to an ox, or toss it to Mr. Cox,
or throw it off the docks,
or hang it from the necks of some yaks!
     In Fort Knox there are locks,
but when you try to unlocks,
then everyone mocks!
Cause everybody knocks to get into Fort Knox,
but they keep you out like you had chicken pox.
Ha! You’re never going to get any of those rocks.
You won’t even be able to fill up your socks,
at Fort Knox.
     Listen! If you’re waiting to get into Fort Knox
you might as well let your clocks go tick tocks!
Yeh! When your alarm clocks go off then up you awaaks.
And you go to the pawnshops and everything hocks!
And you go out and sell everyone of your stocks.
But you might as well live in a hole like a fox,
cause you’ll never have enough money to buy Fort Knox!

Copyright 2005

Out the door I heard the roar of a tornado in all its fury.

The dragon and the crocodile were fussing up a fit.
“I’ll push you for a country mile into a bramble pit!”
Replied the dragon to the croc, “I won’t reply to that.
I’ll chase you for a city block. Let me tell you where it’s at!”
They kept this up all day and night both telling off the other,
each really in a state of fright and wanting to call his mother.
     Up came the sun. I said, “Have done!”
and grabbed them by the tail.
They said, “Oh! Oh!” I said, “Let’s go,”
and took them off to jail.
     I served them tea, sea zee and gee,
but knew that we must hurry,
for out the door I heard the roar
of a tornado in all its fury.
I munched some lunch with a bunch of punch
and opened my umbrella.
Then when the fray took us away
I was a ready fella.

Copyright 2005

Don't be a pumpkin.

Please don't fight !
It's not right
Don't be a pumpkin.
You'll look like a fright!




She liked to watch the vegetables fight.

There was a Queen Bean, who was a mean bean.
She was the meanest fiend that the world has ever seen.
And I want to tell you what this bad bean did.
I’m going to tell everything. I promise not to kid.
     You see it all started when the vegetables chose her queen.
She went crazy with power and she made a bad scene.
She stamped and she hollered and she had to have her way.
And then it was the vegetables knew 
that the queen would make them pay.
     She had them build a coliseum and there she watched the fun,
of vegetables fighting other vegetables
and she laughed as she watched them run.
     She liked to watch the vegetables fight,
the ones who were big and strong.
She laughed at the carrots who ran with fright,
tho everyone knew it was wrong.
On her little lake
the queen’s boat would sail.
She’d smile and eat cake
as each vegetable fell.
     She put some carrots into the arena
to fight the cabbage with all their might,
but the carrots ran away, 
they just wanted to get out of sight. 
     They all gasped in fear when the pumpkin would appear
and the onion shed a tear when it boxed the poor corn’s ear.
The potato, corn and pumpkin knew 
the other two knew what to do.
They fought that big pumpkin till two days went by
and that is how the pumpkin became a delicious pumpkin pie.
     The onions would cry
when they saw the vegetables fight.
The crowd heaved a sigh
because they knew this wasn’t right.
     She peeled a banana although it was yellow,
then added it to a bowl full of jello.
She ate some potatoes tho they watched with their eyes,
had a slice of watermelon right there where it lies.
    The lettuce and the cauliflower fought each other to a draw,
so the queen let loose the cantaloupe which grabbed them with its claw.
After a while the cook came in and saw the vegetables in a pile
and when she saw them all lying there she put on a great big smile.
"I think that I shall make a stew with all these vegetables here.
And so she cooked a vegetable stew that made the family cheer.
     So if you choose the wrong leader too,
then listen my friend that day you’ll rue.
For when you’re done and when he’s through,
you might wind up in a great big stew.

Copyright 2005

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