The ghost said "I'm leaving. This house is a heaving!"

There was a hip ghost who lived on milk toast
and said, “I’m the ghost with the most.
I’m a well to do host and not one to boast
but be wary of a most scary ghost!”
     He lived on Ghoul Bay where the winds howl all day
and haunted the old haunted house.
Then one stormy day there came to the bay
a family of three and a mouse.
They ran down the lane to get out of the rain.
It lightninged and thundered again and again!
And a very wet mouse jumped into the house.
Some guests for the ghost to entertain!
     A bolt of lightning hit a tree and made a frightful noise.
It even scared the ghost and he, almost lost his poise.
The rain in the lane blew like a hurricane.
And then it would blow like a tornado.
     It swirled from the sea, and then back it would flee.
With a show and a flow it did go.
The storm was at its peak and the ghost gave out a shriek!
The roof then sprung a leak and the mouse let out a squeak!
     A tree fell down and shook the ground.
The ocean waves roared in with a bound.
And then the weird sound of the howl of a hound
made the ghost put his head on up side down.
     The ghost said, “I’m leaving! This house is a heaving.
It just might fall down to the floor.”
Then at a fair pace he flew down the staircase
and said, “Bye,” with a cry to the four.
     The family of three said, “What can it be?”
as the ghost flew out of the house.
They saw the spook go. “Is this a fluke? No!
So they ran away after the mouse.
     And when they had passed then down the house crashed.
The storm had an end. A soft breeze began.
The sunshine came out. They all gave a shout,
“Drink a toast to the ghost with the most!”

Copyright 2005

He just smiled and laughed for joy and started in to ride.

Once there was a little boy who used to cry all day.
He didn’t know how to laugh and sing, didn’t know how to play.
He threw his toys all on the floor. His rattle he tore apart.
The stuffing he took from his teddy bear, which almost broke my heart.
     One morning very early, just as the sun came up,
I heard a laugh from the little boy, which spilled my coffee cup.
I went to see just what it was that made the boy laugh so.
And there before my very eyes was the dreaded Grozimo.
     My heart went gluck! My heart went glack! I just about fell on my back!
I didn’t quite know which way to go to get away from the Grozimo!
     I shouted to the little boy, “Quick, run away and hide!”
But he just smiled and laughed for joy and started in to ride.
He rode the Grozimo a year and seemed to like the beast.
He had no fear and not a tear. I said,” Let’s have a feast.”
     I gave each of its seven heads a bone for them to chew.
And for a fine dessert, I said, I’d give to each a shoe.
It smacked its chops with razor teeth and growled it wanted more.
Smoke from its nostrils like a wreath blew out and began to soar.
     It ate the door, the walls and gate and finished off the house.
And it tried to catch, but couldn’t catch, a very sassy mouse.
And so we lived together there a hundred years and seven.
We had such fun! Our work was done! And then we went to heaven.
     So if with woe you try to go and think your boat you cannot row,
don’t feel so low for now you know: Someday you’ll find your Grozimo.

Copyright 2005

"It is such fun to not be one."

I saw a man up in a tree and asked him who he was.
He said, ”I’m Mr. Nobody. I’m the man who never was.”
“Please tell me why you sit so high?
You’ll fall and break your head.”
He said, “I fly up in the sky or underneath your bed.
     In other words my friend, you see, I don’t exist because,
you just think that you see me. I’m the man who never was.
I know it’s hard for you to see how one could just not be.
But very many folks are we. We all are nobody.
     The way for you to be like me, do nothing for a year.
You’ll come to be a nobody. I hear you’ll disappear!
 It is such fun to not be one. Nobody is my name.       
And like the day just fades away then I will do the same.”
     I did not believe a word he spoke.
I said, “You’re putting me on.
You really are such a pleasant bloke.
It’s a shame that you’re so gone.”
     I turned my head and looked around;
of him there was no sign.
I said, “Where is it that you’re found?
Oh you’re the tricky kind!”
     I searched and searched both high and low.
He was not there because,
now I know it’s really so:
He’s the man who never was.

Copyright 2005


She looked in the mirror and sighed, "Oh how pretty!"

There was in Hong Kong, a lady of Bong,
“As homely,” said Wong, “as the day is long.”
“Today,” said she, “I’m twenty and three,
and now I see no one wants me.
     I’ll order two tons of cold cream and in it
I’ll soak myself hourly and then maybe I’ll win it.”
She put on ten quarts of perfume a day
in the hopes that she’d smell exactly that way.
     She put lipstick on all over her head,
put on so much powder they thought she was dead.
She weighed two hundred and seventy-six,
so she dieted till she was as thin as two sticks.

     She looked in the mirror and sighed, “Oh how pretty!”
Went walking around just a singing a ditty.
She had fourteen suitors, all wanted her hand.
Thought she, “Now I’ll play hard to get with a man.”
     She waited until she was fifty and four,
until the last suitor had gone through the door,
     She got up one morning and said, “It is time.
For me to get married I think would be fine.”
She ordered the cake, the guests and the room.
She had everything excepting the groom.
     So there was in Hong Kong no bright wedding song.
So long and ping-pong to the lady of Bong.

Copyright 2005


"What good is a land with no people!"

There was a foolish king who was wrong,
when he said, “Everyone here must be gone!”
So all had to go, where to I don’t know,
but the king would regret it before long!
       “I come here with a heavy heart,
that from this land these people had to part.
Now I’m the only one but it had to be done.”
And with this the king ate a tart.
     He went out to survey his land,
but he couldn’t even find one man.
There was no one around, not even downtown.
There was no one to give him a hand.
     “What good is a land with no people?
Who’ll go to the church with its steeple?
Who’ll drive the cars or ride a rocket ship to Mars?”
And with that he started to weep a little.
     “Who’ll fix my teeth when they hurt?
Who’ll make me shoes and a shirt?
Who’ll make me laugh? Who’ll be my wife?
And who’ll plant seeds in the dirt?”
     Then one day the king got sick.
He needed a doctor real quick!
But no one came. Now isn’t that a shame!
So he died saying “I am to blame!”
     That’s when all the people returned home.
They were glad the foolish king was off the throne.
They said never again will we choose foolish men.
So they celebrated that they no longer had to roam.
     So make sure that the leader, whom you choose,
isn’t foolish or it’s you who’s going to lose!

Copyright 2005

He ate up ten sugarplum pies with much joy.

 There was a man of wondrous fame.
The trouble was he forgot his name!
He thought that he was known in Spain,
so he sailed away but it started to rain.
     It rained till the water came up to his head,
so he swam till ‘twas time to get ready for bed.
A big fat rhinoceros came swimming near by,
so he got on its back where his bones he could dry.
     He came to the land where the sugarplums grow,
but the sugarplums didn’t even know John Doe.
He ate up ten sugarplum pies with much joy.
And then he said, ”Now I’m a very good boy!”
     He went back home to the USA,
but forgot his address along the way.
“I cannot remember just where I am.
Perhaps they know me in the land of Siam.”
So he got on a train going cross the ocean,
but where he was going he hadn’t a notion.
     He climbed up a hill to see what he saw,
but all he could see was a crow that could caw.
He said to his hand, “By Willy, this is silly,
but I like this strange land that is really so hilly.”
So he built him a house on the top of a hill,
but forgot which hill was his hill still.
     He traveled around, how long, couldn’t say,
till he went broke and his fare couldn’t pay.
So he fell in the river and drowned some say,
but I think he probably just lost his way.
     So let this be a lesson to all who will hear.
Just remember your name 
and you’ll have nothing to fear!

Copyright 2005

"Just what play shall I do today."

 Roblin the goblin lay thinking of some fun.
“Just what play shall I do today? What mischief can be done?
Should I let fly a kumquat pie or lump the jelly up?
Or should I buy some rye and tie it on some silly pup?
     Perhaps I’ll pass the dice for mice or blow away the wind,
or turn a mustache into lush grass or goodness into sin.
     He then began the cunning plan to play like he was cripple.
Then when a man gave him a hand he kicked him in the hipple.
He heard him howl and grinned a scowl, “What fun I’ll have today!”
But a big black owl, a most frightful fowl, said, “Pay!” and took him away.
     So slice and pass this advice twice all children for goodness sake.
Always be nice, it’s good advice or no honey for your pancake!

Copyright 2005


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